Q: What is a "spam?"

 A: A spam is the Internet equivalent of junk mail. Spams are usually unsolicited advertisements sent to tens of thousands of Internet users at once. Spams also take the form of totally untrue stories that continue to float around the Net for years. Some of these untrue stories include story of a boy who is dying of a brain tumor and who wants you to send him your business cards, how there is a virus in e-mail letters with the subject line "Good Times," how Neiman Marcus charged someone $250 for a cookie recipe, and how you can "Make Money Fast" by sending a chain letter to 10 of your friends.

 Q: Why is an unsolicited advertisement called a spam?

 A: I'll warn you up front that you really have to be a Monty Python fan to understand this. The term "spam" comes from the Monty Python diner sketch where the waitress says "well there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam; or lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pate', brandy and a fried egg on top of spam." Meanwhile, in the background, a group of Vikings in the sketch randomly sing the "spam" song (you *really* have to have seen the sketch to understand).

 Well, when an unsolicited advertisement is sent to a Usenet newsgroup or LISTSERV list, a great many clueless people send their angry replies not to the sender of the advertisement but rather to the newsgroup or list on which the advertisement was originally posted. The real conversation on the newsgroup or list (the "food") is soon smothered by the discussion, and complaints about, the unsolicited advertisement (the "spam").

 Q: The child porn spam says that the letter was sent to me because my "e-mail address was on a list that fit this category." How did I get on such a list?

 A: You didn't. Folks, I hate to break this to you, but the spammer lied. If you received the child porn spam, the only category that you fit in is that you have an e-mail address. The reason that the spammer said that you fit into a particular "category" was to keep you interested in reading the rest of his spam.

 Q: How do spammers get my e-mail address?

 A: I honestly don't know. I do know, however, that there are hundreds of files of e-mail addresses that can be found all over the Internet. One TOURBUS reader found a Web page full of e-mail addresses here at the University of Alabama, and Mark Trevino found a 92 Kb file at NCSA that has nothing but e-mail addresses. In short, e-mail addresses are all over the place.

 Q: How can I keep my e-mail address private?

 A: Outside of never using it, you can't. There are a couple of tricks, however, that will help you keep your e-mail address a little less public:

 1. "Conceal" your e-mail address on every LISTSERV list that you are subscribed to. This prevents people from reviewing the list and finding your e-mail address [by the way, you don't have to do this if you are subscribed to any of the LISTSERV lists that I own -- my lists are set up so that the only person who can see your subscription address is me]. To conceal your address, just send an e-mail letter to
 

with the command

 SET listname CONCEAL

 in the body of your e-mail letter, replacing "listname" with the name of the list to which you are subscribed.

 2. Your Web browser may be telling the owners of the Web sites that you visit more about you than you may know. Thanks to something called "cookies" (which we won't talk about today) the Web sites that you visit may be able to find out what type of computer you are using, what your name is, and even what your e-mail address is.

 You can, however, "hide" your real address from prying Web sites by telling your Web browser that your e-mail address is something like "noname@good.bye.bye." [Please use a *fake* e-mail address. You make think that changing your e-mail address in your browser to president@whitehouse.gov is funny, but the Secret Service will probably disagree.] This won't work if you use your Web browser to read your e-mail, though.

 Here's how to locate the address and names field that you need to change (remember, if you use your browser to read your e-mail, please do not do this):

 Netscape Navigator 1
Options --> Preferences --> Mail and News
Netscape Navigator 2
Options --> Mail and News Preferences -->
Identity
Netscape Navigator 3
Options --> Mail & News Preferences --> Identity
Microsoft Internet Explorer 2
Edit --> Options ... --> Mail News
Microsoft Internet Explorer 3
Brother Bill has yet to release a Mac version of IE 3, so I'm not really sure where the name and address fields are located in this version :(

 Q: What should I do if I get spammed?

 A: Your best bet is to delete the spam and go on with your life. If you don't want to choose this route, however, you have a few options [taken from my Roadmap workshop]:

 First, NEVER reply to the group. The spammer won't read it. He is interested in talking, not listening, and he is not a list member or a regular reader. Your angry posting will only annoy the other members of the group and will not affect the spammer in the slightest.

 Second, if you have a lot of time on your hands, you may read the responses of members who ignored my first bit of advice.

 Third, if you have even more time on your hands, reply to the poster at his own e-mail address. But you may not get satisfaction. Quite often spammers hit and run, and by the time you get back to yell at them, they have closed out their accounts (or if their site administrator is on her toes, they will have had their accounts closed by the administrator).

 Fourth, if you are even angrier at the spammer, you can write to the administrator of his site. If the spammer is CLOWN@CIRCUS.COM, his administrator is POSTMASTER@CIRCUS.COM

 Q: Who should I contact if I receive a spam that contains "illegal" stuff (like the child porn spam)?

 A: Your best bet is to contact your own site's postmaster or network security administrator and let them handle it. Most companies, schools, and large Internet Service Providers have full-time security experts whose job is to work closely with law enforcement agencies on matters of network safety and security.

 You may decide to contact an appropriate law enforcement agency. One word of warning though: if you receive an illegal spam at work, make sure to contact your employer's network security administrator *BEFORE* you contact any law enforcement officials! Network security people tend to get a little upset if you go behind their backs and contact the police, and your little act of good net citizenship may get you a reprimand in your personnel file.

 If you do decide to contact a law enforcement agency, which one should you contact? It depends on where you live, and where the spam is from. If you live in the United States and you are sure that the illegal spam crossed state lines, contact the FBI (your local FBI office's number can be found in the phone book). Otherwise, contact your local police department and ask for an officer knowledgeable about "computer crimes."

 One word of warning, though: don't expect your local police department or local FBI office to know *ANYTHING* about the Internet or computers. As a matter of fact, when I turned in the child porn spammer to the Tuscaloosa FBI office, they had me *fax* a copy of the spammer's e-mail letter to them. :)

 That's it for this week! Remember, if you get spammed, you best bet is to just delete it and go on with your life! :)

 Compliment of TOURBUS - (c) Copyright 1996, Patrick Crispen and Bob Rankin All rights reserved. Redistribution is allowed only with permission.