Best of all, you don't have to feel the kind of guilt that plagues many mothers who work away from home.  Leaving a sick child at home with a sitter can be agonizing.  The image of your child's disappointed face when you told her you can't go on the field trip can haunt your entire day at the office.  And you don't have to struggle with recriminations about "cheating" your boss when you decide being with your child is more important at any given  moment than the task awaiting you at your desk.  You can give yourself any personal-, sick- or vacation-time you feel is necessary.

But the very accessibility you wanted when you chose to work at home brings with it its own problems.  When your child wants your attention, there's no one else to blame for your "I'll play with you later" response.  When you take time away from work to tend to family concerns, it's not some company that suffers - this is your own business.  You can still lose the client or the contract, which means lost income to you.

At the office you didn't have to worry about toys on your desk.  You never had to field a client's phone call while your child is screaming how unfair it is that she has to take a nap.  And you probably never lost your files because your youngster turned off your computer so he could play a game.

There are no perfect solutions for those of us on "second shift."  Even involved partners don't
feel the same kind of responsibility to anticipate children's needs as do mothers.  And certainly no
one is more concerned about our own businesses than we are.

But here are some ways to define the boundaries between work and family that make working at home more manageable:

1.  Make a list of what's most important to you.  Of course, it's all important, but if you try to be specific, this task is easier.  For example, you may believe it's essential to be at school when your child's performing in the school play, but don't feel compelled to chaperone every field trip.  There are probably some client email and calls that are absolutely necessary to return immediately;  others can wait.  You know best what's most important for your relationship with your child and for your work success.  And you need to keep those priorities in mind when both parts of your life pull at you simultaneously.  A personal mission statement or list of most important life goals can guide your yearly, monthly, weekly and daily planning.

2.  Keep a log of your work tasks.  This allows you to plan the amount of time needed to    accomplish each activity.  Break tasks down into time-limited steps and set realistic goals.  For example, if your work involves writing, you can plan time for gathering information, reading your research, interviewing experts, organizing your material, outlining your article, writing your first draft, and editing.  Each step takes a different amount of time and can be scheduled accordingly.

3.  Schedule both work and family time.  Include helping with homework and trips to the orthodontist.  Make sure everything that's possible to plan for is in your calendar.

4.  Identify work tasks that require concentration and/or quiet and those you can accomplish with
children around.  Then schedule accordingly.

5.  Clearly demarcate your work space and make it off-limits to family members.  Ideally, work
behind a door you can close. Keep family space separate from work space.  You can even make
it a point to change your clothes (even if you dress casually for work) before you re-enter family space to emphasize your experience of the transition.

6.  Announce your "office hours" to your family.   Be clear that you are not to be interrupted.
Explain to your children when you will be available and why respecting your work time is important.

7.  Respect your own "office hours."  Resist the temptation to run to the grocery store when work becomes tedious or frustrating.  Instead, use this time to accomplish more "mindless" tasks like deleting files or writing your reference list.

8.  Commuting from office to home may not always be fun, but at least it offers you time to decompress and to make the psychological transition from work to family.  Home-working parents need to give themselves decompression time too.  Schedule time to relax, meditate, read the newspaper - give yourself time to do whatever allows you to unwind and refocus.

9.  When you're with your children, give them your undivided attention.  Redirect your focus back
to them if you find your mind wandering to work worries. 

10.  Consider having three phone lines: one for your computer, one for work, and one for home.
Tell your family not to answer your business line and let your machine answer when you're away from work. 

11.  Seriously consider getting part-time child care.  If it allows you to be more focused on your 
your children when you're with them, they're likely to benefit.

12.  Keep a regular work schedule.  Whether you work in large blocks of time or go back and forth between work and family, try to keep consistent hours.  This helps your children know what to expect and maintain boundaries.

13.  Decide what you'll say to yourself when you're feeling guilty about working.  Children always sense just how to "get" us, and if you're not managing your guilt, they'll push your buttons until your boundaries collapse. 

14.  Plan time for yourself, your intimate relationships, your friends. Make sure your exercise time is written in your calendar.  Remember Murphy's Law:  work expands to fill the time available.  If you don't schedule time for yourself, it will get lost.

15.  Delegate effectively.  Stop trying to be supermom and superwoman.  Why can't your husband do the laundry?  Why can't you ask a friend to pick up a few items for you during her regular trip to the grocery store?

16.  Build in time for regular contact with other work-at-home mothers.  You need to be reminded that you are not alone - that other moms are struggling with the same obstacles and feelings as you.

17.  Practice assertively saying "NO."  When someone makes a significant request of you, wait 24 hours before giving your answer.

18.  Periodically reassess your schedule.  Evaluate what's working and what's not.  Your children's
needs change as do the needs of your business.

Copyright 1999. Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D.
Midlife Mentor (TM) - Personal and Career Coaching
for Professional Women at Midlife
8811 Colesville Road  Suite 104
Silver Spring, MD 20910
web:  http://Midlifementor.com
email: Ellen@Midlifementor.com
phone: 301-585-5539
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