A technique called baseball may help you. This technique comes from a seminar called "People on Purpose". The principle of baseball is the same as the game. You must go to first before you can get to second and then to third base before you can get to home plate. Let's examine the process. First stop is first base.

FIRST BASE your counterpart matters

Here you establish that your counterpart matters. You can't get to second base until you pass first. The technique at First Base can be as simple as asking how someone's weekend went, acknowledging a success, or sending flowers to your spouse.

SECOND BASE in their own mind they believe everything they are telling you

At second base your counter part's opinion is important. On second base you explore what matters to them. The key at this stage is in their own mind they believe everything they are telling you. The most important point at this stage -- your counterpart wants to know they are being heard. The process for this is to acknowledge and feedback the point they are trying to make. Acknowledgment doesn't say you agree, it only acknowledges you heard their point. By the way have you ever been frustrated when someone butts in when you are trying to make your point, and you don't know if you are being heard. 

Another trick you can use to acknowledge your counter part is to take a sheet of paper and divide it into 2 columns the left columns is for your counterpart's issues and the right column will be your issues when you get to third base. You can only go to third base after you get all the issues on the table i.e. reached your counterpart's bottom line. So after each acknowledgment you can follow up with questions such as:

Is there anything else?

Why do you feel that way?

When your counterpart says there is nothing else, you may have reached their bottom line. It's time to ask the next question; "Would you like to hear my point of view". If they say "No", you do not have all the issues. If they say "Yes", then let's go to third base.

THIRD BASE it's your turn to say what you believe is true

Now it's your turn to say what you believe is true. You can use the right hand side of your paper to note your issues. If you find your counterpart is interrupting you, then you don't have all of their issues. Go back to second base, listen, acknowledge and note issues until you can go back to third base.

HOME PLATE where do we go from here?

Now that you have the issues for both sides, you ask such questions as "Where do we go from here" or "How do we proceed" The objective is to establish mutually agreeable goals and the important next steps.

This process takes practice. It does work when you are faced with difficult situations. Good luck in the ball game.

Permission has been granted by Rick Nelson to reprint this article.

Copyright Rick Nelson

Rick Nelson
1729 Camelot Drive
Madison, Wisconsin 53705 USA
e mail: Rick-Nelson@worldnet.att.net

Mr. Nelson spent 22 years in high tech medical instrumentation field. He has been employed as a design engineer, software and application engineer, product manager and international distribution manager which enabled him to work in more than 50 countries. Mr. Nelson is now consulting in the field of international distribution.