Quickly realizing this was more than just an argument I shouted, Stop Rob and Stacy, NOW! They both looked at me with eyes of confirmation that the mediator had come to their rescue and each, respectively, would win the battle because MOM had spoken.

I was soon to find out that we were in the middle of a gender division of labor in our home. Rob had just come home from a very hard day in the hot Texas sun building fence on a ranch. Stacy had come in from the shop helping her sister in the parts department of our lawn and garden shop and, the shop was blistering hot all day. Both young adults were exhausted, tired and hot. 

Rob told Stacy that he didn’t want to put the clothes up because he had worked all day and was tired. Stacy said, I worked all day too, and I am tired too! Thus, the beginning of a major conflict.

Rob, in his defense, began to tell me all he did during the day. I was quick to explain that I  understood exactly what he was talking about. Stacy quickly began her defensive discussion of, Mom, you know I’ve worked all day too! Rob thinks I should put up the laundry because that is woman’s work.

So, as the conversation unfolds I realize both of my wards were at a turning point in their lives.  Young lives that were in a formative stage of what true appreciation of each other really meant. It was a signal to me as a mother that the time had come to sit down and teach these young adults a very important lesson about gender bias, and how gender bias can truly kill a person’s self-worth and places the individual at risk of not being what they were intended to become.

I began the discussion with a simple discussion about storms, mighty storms. Storms that ripped apart  homes and caused floods and damage in its wake. Those killing storms, called Hurricanes, which for years were named only after women. I explained to each of them that although the storm was strong and violent, that a woman can be as strong and violent as any man could be; but, that being strong
and violent did not make a person’s character stronger. 

We also talked about my husband and how he gave Rob medicine for his allergies and filled the vaporizer so he could breathe easier last winter, when I was away on business. We also talked about how good a cook he was and how he had helped them clean the kitchen after he had worked all day too.

We reviewed the different jobs that Rob already knew he could do for himself, and that he didn’t need a woman to do those things for him. He found that he could wash, dry and fold his own clothing, as well as put them away. He found that I had taught him how to cook meals and iron his shirts. Stacy became aware that she had been taught to mow the grass and use the weed trimmer, and feed the calves and chickens too. Both young adults realized that in order to become independent and self-sufficient, they only had to depend on their respective skills for their own needs.

And, after we discussed all the things about each of them, their individual talents and accomplishments, I simply asked one more question: Can either of you envision yourselves simply placed in an occupation just because you are a man, or just because you are a woman? 

Both of them understood how unfair that would be. They both want to do so many things with their lives that it would prevent them from living their dreams. 

As I was writing this article Rob came up behind me and started reading it. He said, Aunt Deb, I really can’t believe I said that to Stacy. I am learning so much about how important it is for both of us to want each other to succeed.